you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
