I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
either way he was missing a nipple.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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