i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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