new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
