It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
