How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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