a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize