I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
