Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
