He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
