i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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