Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
