drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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