I wanna bring you to show and tell
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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