I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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