i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
