Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Randomize