Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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