are you still at the devil's house?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
