what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
