think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
