I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
