Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
