those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
