then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
