Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
