Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
