Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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