I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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