I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
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