sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
