omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
So many bounce houses so little time
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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