Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
