I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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