He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
