For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
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