I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
