Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
