wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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