I must be too annoying 4 u.
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
