Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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