mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize