i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Who died my cat blue again?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
