so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
He had one of those small greek statue penises
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Just invented taco cereal.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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