There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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