Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
