Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
