I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
That's when you crack a 10am beer
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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