I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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