so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
