Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
