I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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