I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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