Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
