I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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