Plan B is the new Plan A
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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