Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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