I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
