don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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