my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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