Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
