You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
