bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
We have so much sex to catch up on
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
