New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
