omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
