shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
