I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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